Hollowed Existences
by illusionsmadereal
Summary: What would have happened to Bella if she hadn't jumped?...
1. Chapter 1

Hollowed Existences

Chapter 1

I stepped out to the edge, keeping my eyes on the empty space in front of me. My toes felt ahead blindly, caressing the edge of the rock when they encountered it. I drew in a deep breath and held it… waiting.

"Bella."

I smiled and exhaled.

_Yes? _I didn't answer out loud; for fear that the sound of my voice would shatter the beautiful illusion. He sounded so real, so close. It was only when he was disapproving like this that I could hear the true memory of his voice—the velvet texture and the musical intonation that made up the most perfect of all voices.

"Don't do this," he pleaded.

_You won't stay with me any other way._

"Please." It was just a whisper in the blowing rain that tossed my hair and drenched my clothes—making me as wet as if this were my second jump of the day.

I rolled up onto the balls of my feet.

"No Bella!" He was angry now, and the anger was so lovely.

I smiled and raised my arms straight out, as if I were going to dive, lifting my face into the rain. But it was too ingrained from years of swimming at the public pool—feet first, first time. I leaned forward, crouching to get more spring…

Just then a roll of thunder sounded and it was then that I finally realized what I was doing. I finally took notice of the weather. The sky was one of the darkest shades of gray I had ever seen. The wind was coming in gusts and billows so strong it sometimes caught me and almost made me fall over. Then there was the sea, oh as I looked out into the turbulent sea I began to feel the fear and the shock. I didn't know much about tides but I knew enough to know that with the wind being as it was and the waves crashing so violently, the rip tide would surely have drug me under and killed me.

I sank down to the ground and began to cry. If I had died, where would that have left Charlie? Renee? I could see their mourning faces so clearly that it pained me. No, I couldn't leave them yet, not yet. They would rather have me, even in my shell like state, then not have me at all.

All the things I have carelessly done over the passed few weeks suddenly came crashing down on me. So many times I could have died and it was sheer luck that I hadn't. I made a vow right then, a vow stating that I wouldn't end my life… my existence, just because of some careless, thoughtless mistake.

I turned on my heel and headed back towards my truck. I would go back home, I would go back to my shell. That way I would survive at least. A daughter who was still alive in a sense was still better than having no daughter at all. I just hoped that my parents would see it that way as well.

AN: Okay, Chappie 1 up. The other chapters will be longer, don't worry, but if you want to read the other chapters, you've got to review. So if you review, I update. Hope you enjoyed.


	2. Chapter 2

Hollowed Existences

Chapter 2

"Bella! Why don't you move? Why won't you go up to Jacob's like you had been for a few weeks? Did you two get into a fight or something? Bella, talk to me."

I was just staring at Charlie with a blank face. It had been a little over a week since I had nearly died from jumping off the cliff. Every day that I left the house my life was in danger. If I were going to stick around for Charlie and Renee's sake then I had to make sure my life wouldn't be jeopardized. The only way I knew how to keep my life as safe as possible, was to not have a life. Therefore, I crawled back into my shell and became the solitary person once again.

Charlie's face brought me out of my thoughts. It was full of concern. He knew the symptoms of my shell-like state and he was trying with all his might to get some sort of reaction out of me. I decided to budge… for the moment at least. I looked up into Charlie's face and met him eye to eye. He wasn't going to like what I was about to say but he'd have to deal with it anyway.

"Charlie, I'll answer your questions in the order of which you asked. I don't move because I don't feel like moving. I don't go over to Jacobs because I've lost interest in going there. And no, we didn't get into a fight," I sighed. "There, I talked to you."

I looked back at the television when what I had said sank in and a look of pure anger crept into his eyes. He had been kneeling beside the sofa, which was where I was seated, but he now rose to his full height.

"Isabella Marie Swan," he roared. "I'm warning you. If you do not get up and start acting…for lack of a better word, normal, I swear to you that you will be sent off to live with your mother!"

I jerked my head up to look at him. He knew I wouldn't go and that if he forced me to go that I would put up one big fight. I hadn't been able to feel much of anything in the past week but the look of anger on his face made me feel guilty. How could I do this to Charlie? To see his daughter being so lifeless must make him sad and angry at the same time. But then I remembered how I could have so easily ended this pain of mine, but I stayed alive so Charlie _wouldn't_ feel pain. And this was how he re-paid me? A fresh wave of anger incased me and suddenly I was on my feet.

"Try and make me!"

I stormed up the steps, tripped once, stubbed my toe twice, went into my room, slammed the door with all the strength I could muster, fell onto my bed, and cried myself to sleep.

--------

When I awoke the next morning I was very disoriented. I could tell I hadn't slept well that night and that that was a contributing factor. I looked out the window and saw it was very bright. Then I turned my gaze to my clock and saw it said two twenty-one.

"Well it obviously isn't AM," I mumbled to myself.

With the conversation still fresh in my mind from the previous night, I had forgotten to set my alarm clock. As I shifted under the covers and went to get up, I heard something softly move on the floor. I looked down and saw an envelope. On the front was Charlie's handwriting and of course it was addressed to me. I found that very strange but then again knowing Charlie, he wouldn't have wanted to talk to me in person because he would have known another fight would have broken out. I slowly opened the envelope, careful not to cut myself. I drew out the piece of notebook paper and opened it up.

_Morning Bella,_ _I heard you tossing in your sleep, among other things, and decided to not wake you up. I am very sorry for yelling at you last night Bells but you were acting very irrationally. I didn't just write this note as an apology, I also have something else I need to say to you but considering what it is I know another fight would've broken out and I couldn't have another one this morning. _

_Bella, I want you to know that I love you very much but your behavior and attitude have put me in quite a predicament. I only want to do what I think is best for you so that is why I called Renee and talked with her and she seemed to agree with me… reluctantly, but she agreed none the less. We both feel that if you do not return to your normal behavior, one of two things are going to happen. You will either be sent to live with Renee and Phil, or, I am very sorry Bells, you will be sent to a mental institution until such a time as the doctors see fit that you are alright for every day life again. Please understand what your mother and I have agreed upon and realize we just want to do what we think is best for you and this town obviously isn't what is best for you now. If you need anything just call me, the number is on the fridge as always. Love you. Dad._

I stared at the note in horror.

_A mental institution; they are planning on sending me to a mental institution if I don't snap out of this state or move in with mom?_

I sunk to the floor and sat there, without a thought in my mind as to what was going to happen to me.

_Why won't anyone let me do what I want to do? Why are they always making decisions based on what they believe to be right for me? It isn't fair._

AN: Okay, chappie two! Once more, you've got to review for me to update. So long as I do get reviews, I'll do my best at updating every few days. Hope you enjoyed!


	3. Chapter 3

Hollowed Existences

Chapter 3

Dinner that night was one of the harder dinners I've ever made, but I needed something to keep my mind preoccupied. The Sesame-Ginger Chickens' aroma filled the room along with the Grilled Vegetables. As soon as Charlie came inside I heard him mumble 'smells good'. The usual noises he made when he came home followed suit and soon he was in the kitchen looking at the plates on the table. He looked up at me and gave me a smile. He was obviously trying to make it pleasant and warm but I saw the caution beneath it.

"Hey Bells! It smells fantastic in here. What have you made? I don't think I've ever smelled this particular food before."

I looked down at the plates. The only thing separating Charlie and I was the table and I knew it wasn't enough if one of us began to argue and I was very near doing so because of the letter; but I answered his question as politely as possible.

"Hey Charlie, it's called Sesame-Ginger Chicken and that's just some grilled vegetables. It's especially hard to make so I've been putting off making it, but I thought tonight was as good as any night."

I smiled but I knew that it wasn't as warm and inviting as I had hoped and I knew Charlie noticed because his smile had faltered. He looked down at the food again then back up at me.

"I'm going to go and wash up. I'll be right back."

He hurried off to the bathroom and I heard the water faucet turn on. I turned around and got out the milk and the chocolate and began making myself chocolate milk while I left Charlie to get whatever it was he wanted to drink. By the time my drink was made, Charlie was back in the kitchen and in the fridge getting his Diet Coke. I sat down, took a spoon full of the chicken and a spoon full of the vegetables. Charlie followed suit and was going for seconds, thirds, and fourths in no time. He apparently loved what I had made.

"Bella! This not only smelled good but also it tasted excellent! Are you sure you haven't thought about being a chef? I bet you'd be quite good at it."

Charlie's comment was sincere, indeed, but nothing could make me happy these days.

"Thanks Charlie, and no, I haven't thought about it because I don't want to be a chef."

He then definitely frowned.

"Bella, if you want to live and be able to support yourself in the world your going to have to have a job and it might as well be one that you are good at. You are a very good chef and you could make some serious money feeding people. Bells, think about it, do you want to have to be dependent on your mother and I for the rest of your life? Or do you want to buy what you want and live where you want without having to ask us for the money first?"

I contemplated on what I wanted to say in response to that but I came up with nothing. Charlie saw I didn't have anything to say in response so he slowly raised himself and went to wash his dish. As I watched him in silence, a thought came unbidden to my mind and I had said it before I even realized it had left my lips.

"What if I don't want to live?"

I don't know if it was what I said or the fact that it was laced with so much sorrow or a combination of both, but Charlie had dropped his plate as he went to put it in the cupboard. It shattered on the kitchen floor startling me so much that I jumped. Charlie swung around and looked at me angrily.

"So what? You're asking to die now? Is that what you want? You want to die and leave your mother and I here to have to deal with that? You want to leave all your friends and family behind knowing that we would all grieve for you? Do you have any idea as to what you have just said?"

The last question wasn't angry, there was disbelief and pain but nothing else in that last question. I looked up at him, there were so many emotions flashing across his face it was hard to tell which he felt the most. I got up, put my plate in the sink, and walked out of the kitchen; but just before I had left the kitchen fully, I turned around and stared at him and debated as to whether or not I should say what I wanted to say.

"Yes Charlie. I know exactly what I just said and I know exactly what it means."

I turned on my heal hoping for a swift exit but of course me being me and all, I ran into the wall and nearly fell over. I caught myself and then continued on my way to my room leaving a speechless and gaping Charlie behind.

AN: Alrighty, chappie 3 up. Reviews please. Next chappie up... Wednesday? Thursday maybe? Hope you enjoyed.


	4. Chapter 4

Hollowed Existences

Chapter 4

As I entered my room after that uneventful day at school I sat down at my desk and turned on my computer. As it was booting up, I began to wonder why Charlie hadn't mentioned about the letter last night. I was curious as to what the answer was but I wasn't going to disturb him at work so it would have to wait until he came home.

Once the computer was up and running, I went online to check my mail. Of course there was one from Renee so I opened it and read the contents. It was the same email as the others. She just wanted to know how I was and how school was going. You know, the basics. I told her that I was fine, which she would take as a clear statement that I was miserable. I said I aced my Calculus test with a ninety-five percent and my English test with a ninety-eight percent. Mom would be happy that I passed my tests with A's but I knew she'd be happier if I failed every class for a whole year just to be told by Charlie that I had smiled a real smile and was my old happy go lucky self again. I sighed and clicked the send button. Just then I noticed another email whose screen name I did not recognize but knew it wasn't spam. I clicked it and it opened to show me that Alice had emailed me. I quickly scanned it, making sure that nothing like 'killed' or 'vampires on their way' were shown, then I re-read it but took in every thing this time.

_Hello Bella. I was told that this was your email so I decided to email you to ask how you are. No I haven't seen anything that says someone's life is in danger, just wanted to see how you are. I truly hope to see you again but until Edward_, I winced,_ says I can see you then I don't think I should come unless I want an argument with disastrous results to take place. How is Charlie doing? Renee? I am sorry Bella. I must go, Jasper is here and he wants me to come out with him tonight to see a movie. Sounds so sweet doesn't it? Bye Bella. Hope to hear from you soon. Love you. Alice._

My mouth was hanging slightly open. I couldn't believe that she wasn't _allowed _to see me. That was ridiculous but then again it sounded like… him. I still couldn't say his name. I quickly thought up of something to write, but when I wrote it, it sounded like I was happy. I quickly deleted it. I was tired of lying and I most certainly didn't want to lie to Alice. When I knew what I was going to write I knew that it would probably leave _her_ mouth hanging open slightly and would probably send her all the way over here just to check on me. But as I thought about how much distress that might put her in, I decided against it. I would write the best thing I could write… a lie.

_Hey Alice! It's nice to hear from you. I am fine and so are Charlie and Renee. No more near death accidents. Hope you along with the rest of the family are doing well. Hope you had fun at the movie theater. Love Bella._

I sent it. I knew it wasn't much to write but the shorter it was, the less she knew, which meant the better off we all were. As I was about to turn off the computer I saw I had a new message. She couldn't have replied that quickly. But as I looked, my suspicions were correct.

_Bella! I'm happy to hear you all are okay! How is school going for you? Please tell me you are doing well. Wow, no more near death accidents! Not to sound mean or anything but it sounds like you may have one coming up. Hold on; let me check… nope, I did not see anything… well… I did see a white room with you in white clothing. What is that all about? We are all doing well, except for Edward_,I flinched,_ of course but that is to be expected. I'm surprised you sound so content. I would have thought you'd be sadder. Hmm, maybe I'm wrong. Well, the movie theater was GREAT!! We saw this movie, which was called Carousel Night. It was of course a love story, just like Jasper to pick something like that for me. It was long but it was worth it. Love You Always. Alice._

I stared at the message thought about the 'white room'. _Could that be the mental institutions white walls'? If they were, does that mean I'm going to refuse to leave Forks? _I thought about that and then concluded that yes, I was going to stay here and put up a fight, but I was not going to tell Alice that. I would just play ignorant. I also couldn't understand what was making… him, not well. I went to reply.

_Hey Alice… again. Lol. I wasn't expecting you to be online right now. Oh well. Yes, I am happy and content. I have no idea as to what the 'white room and white clothes' are. Hmm, I have to think about that and I'll let you know if I come up with anything. He isn't well? What's wrong with him? Sounds like you and Jasper are completely in tune with each other. Lol. Although the movie choice… uh, I haven't even heard of it so I wouldn't know. Lol. Love Bella._

I scanned it to make sure there were no errors and then sent it. Not 2 minutes later there was another reply. I was just going to answer this one and then leave. I couldn't take any more questions or respond to any of them.

_Bella, I am glad to hear that all is well with you and that you are not taxing from Edwards,_ I flinched yet again,_ mistake. I'm so sorry that we all left without saying goodbye but he insisted saying that a clean cut would heal quicker. I don't know where he comes up with some of his ridiculous ideas and I don't care either. All I can say is that if Carlisle hadn't said that it was Edwards_, flinch,_ decision I would have come to say goodbye, but I couldn't go against Carlisle's' word. Okay, if you know anything about the white room, please do inform me. I am very curious as to what place it is and what you are doing there. It has me befuddled. Bella! How can you not have heard of Carousel Night?! Even that movie would have been heard about in Forks. I'm surprised you haven't heard it mentioned in school or something. I'm just saying that it is up for so many awards it has my head spinning. What? Have you been living in a cocoon for the past month or so? Lol. Love You Always. Alice._

Yes, I definitely wasn't going to answer that message. I decided to just tell Alice I had to go.

_Alice, I have to go. I'll reply next time I go online. Love Bella._

I sent it and then quickly signed off and shut the computer down. Alice had hit the mark. I _had _been living in a cocoon for not only the past month, but for the past few months. I just hoped she wouldn't catch on that she had hit the mark. I got off the chair and decided that I should begin my homework. I knew it wouldn't get done tonight because Charlie and I were going to have a fight and I could almost 100 guarantee that it would involve something major happening. Hopefully I could prove Alice's vision incorrect and she would see me staying here after all. My will was stronger than Charlie's wasn't it?

AN: Okay, due to the fact someone asked (and no, not everytime someone asks am I going to update quicker, although I do enjoy pleasing my reviewers/ readers) and the fact that I had 2 of my end of year exams today and I scored a 96 on my US2 (a.k.a. History) test and am in a very good more because of it, I updated with this chappie. Everyone happy? I feel today everyone should be happy! xD. Hope you enjoyed and please don't forget to review and make my day even better, if that's possible anyway. hehe.


	5. Chapter 5

Hollowed Existences

Chapter 5

As the door slammed shut below, I was jostled out of my thoughts. I had been contemplating as to what I was going to say to Charlie and how to say it. I had gotten most of my homework done but there was still the Calculus homework to do and my brain just couldn't work out the problems and the equations so I set it aside and accepted my fate of getting an incomplete tomorrow. After all, it wouldn't be the end of the world.

I got up from the floor where I had been sitting and stretched my legs. I looked at my computer and thought about Alice's email. I wasn't sure if I was going to respond any time soon but I couldn't be rude and _not_ email her back. I sat down on the chair, turned on the computer and decided to email her back right then and there incase where I was going to be sent I wouldn't be allowed a computer. When I got to my email page I saw my old message and then a new one from her. I clicked the old one and replied. I just made sure she understood that I was fine and everything was okay. I then opened the new message. I was sent just three hours previous, which would have meant it was sent right around the time I had logged off. It was short, and very direct, yet I didn't quite understand.

Bella, I saw it. I'll be there. As will Jasper and everyone else, but I fear Edward won't be. Take care. Love You Always. Alice.

I contemplated what it meant but the second I heard Charlie's usual noises meaning he was getting ready for dinner I went downstairs. I saw Charlie and quickly shoved Alice's message to the back of my mind and focused on the task at hand. Charlie was looking in the kitchen for me. As I got closer I saw his face. He was curious as to wear the food was, probably, and where I was as well.

I set my face so he knew I meant business and then I said, "Hey Charlie. I think we need to talk."

Charlie turned around and stared at me. His eyes narrowed and he understood fully what the 'talk' was going to be about.

"Okay, what do you want to talk about?"

"Well, I was thinking along the lines of my current state and what you are planning to do about it and what I'm planning on doing about what your plans involve and how I'm going to make sure my plans come out correct and your plans fail because I'm not going anywhere."

Charlie looked confused for a second and as I thought about it, I wasn't sure if what I had said really had made sense. To clarify, I decided to make it simpler.

I took a deep breath. "Charlie, I'm not going anywhere and I'm not changing my… current state."

He understood that. His breathing became quicker and shorter and his face was turning a deep red. His eyes became slits and I saw his fists clench and his knuckles turn white. Here it came, the fight that would lead to the outcome of all the other fights. If I didn't make my side heard and known and if I didn't convince him that I was fine here, I would be packing. I looked down at the floor as I saw the vein in his forehead throb. That was about as mad as he could go. I straightened my back, put my arms firmly at my sides and planted my feet on the ground making sure he knew I wasn't quitting.

Then, in a voice almost inaudible, he said, "You will go where you are told and you won't argue."

I heard him, I heard him loud and clear. I didn't like being told what to do. I was usually the one doing the telling; and I was damn well sick and tired of people telling me what they thought was best for me. I began to shake. I quivered like I never had before, I never felt this much anger coursing through me before; it felt like a drug. I wanted to feel more, I wanted it to encase me; I wanted Charlie to know just how serious I was. I also knew that this wasn't exactly like me, I didn't get so mad so easily but I knew that this was a special case and I needed my anger, it was going to be my shield.

"No, I won't!"

I hadn't planned on my voice sounding the way it did; carrying so much rage and it nearly being yelled.

"No Charlie! I will do as _I_ want. If _I_ want to crawl into a hole and die then that's _my_ decision and not _yours_. If _I_ want to live in Forks for the rest of _my_ life, however short that may be, then I _will_ live in Forks. I will _not_ listen to you, nor to anyone else unless _I_ want to." I began to walk towards Charlie without even realizing I was walking forward. "And I most certainly will _not_ be forced to do something I don't want to do!"

The last statement I nearly screamed. I turned around and walked swiftly from the kitchen only to be followed closely behind by Charlie. He was still furious, I think he had even reach an all new level of fury because not only did he have the vein in his head throbbing but also the veins in his neck throbbing and I had never seen that before. He grabbed my arm and swung me around.

"You will do as you're told! You will listen to me and you mother!"

I yanked my arm away and stared angrily up at him.

"No Charlie!"

He just didn't seem to get it. He wasn't going to win as long as I breathed. I began to walk away again when he grabbed my arm again.

"Isabella Marie Swan! You _will_ listen whether you want to or not!"

"I'd rather go to a mental institution for sticking up for what I believe in then willingly go to Jacksonville because I backed down and was forced to leave! Tell Renee that! Tell her I said 'send me to the nut house'! God knows I've been through enough to make any sane person insane!"

I pulled my arm free once more and headed towards the stairs but as I heard him quickly approaching yet again, I spun around and slapped him so hard across the face that it left my hand numb; but I was too caught up in my anger to notice. Charlie however was stunned, it quickly disappeared though and his eyes began to bulge.

"How dare you hit me!" He roared. "I'm your father!"

I looked him square in the eyes and put on a mocking smile. "By nothing more than blood."

That comment did leave him shocked. I could tell I had crossed a line that was thought to be un-crossable. In a sense, by what I had said, I had basically disowned his as a father. I had basically declared that I'd rather not have a father. I turned one last time and headed up the stairs.

Once in my room, I slammed the door and got my backpack. I was leaving this house, but I wasn't leaving Forks. I'd sleep in the forest if push came to shove. Once I was done packing, I went back to my computer and decided to email Alice one more time. I told her I wouldn't be able to reply to any of her emails for quite some time due to the fact that I was going to have a difficult time getting online. I didn't tell her I was leaving my house because it would've cause panic or something. I clicked send and then shut down my computer. I quickly got up and went to reach for my backpack when I tripped and hit my head on my nightstand. It was then that I heard the sirens among other sounds. Charlie must have called them. They were coming for me; they were coming to take me away to a white room with white clothes.

AN: Okay, I may have went a little bit overboard with the whole... Charlie angry thing. Maybe a little OOC from both character's but I hope it is otherwise good. Hope you enjoyed! Reviews are required for my mental well-being, so do review please:)


	6. Chapter 6

Hollowed Existences

Chapter 6

Nightmares plagued my thoughts. I heard screaming, glass breaking, snarling, yelling, the crunch of what sounded like wood breaking, pain throughout my body, and then my name being yelled. I was confused and thought surely something weird was happening.

It was then the most horrible and painful nightmares truly began.

I was surrounded in darkness, in blood. I couldn't see anything except the endless abyss of black swirled with red. And the noise, oh how the noise deafened me. It couldn't be described as anything other than a din of endless noise. Nothing could be understood there, it was all muddled. How long I was like that I don't know. All I knew was that I hurt everywhere. I kept feeling pricks in my arms, in my legs, and my head was throbbing and felt like it was having a thousand splinters stabbed into it. I can say this; I felt this pain for what felt like an eternity… I just hoped I wasn't dead because of how I had left things off with Charlie. How could I have been so mean and left it at such a bad note? How, could I have said he wasn't my father?

It was then that I felt a bolt of electricity course threw my body. It was merely seconds after the black swirling abyss had seemingly locked itself on me. Its origin seemed to have come from my chest and then radiated to the tips of my fingers and my toes. Just as it faded, I felt it again. It hurt terribly and every time I felt it I seemed to become more aware of my body and just how bad it hurt. By the third time I felt the bolt, I became fully aware of my body. I felt drugged and drowsy yet I still felt the pain all over my body. I didn't want to open my eyes but someone was calling my name, several people were calling my name and one sounded familiar…

"Charlie?"

"Bella! Bella! Are you okay?"

I ignored his question as I felt a new wave of pain go down my spine. I cried out in pain and then I fully opened my eyes.

I looked around me at the too familiar hospital walls. No less than 8 doctors or nurses surrounded me… I couldn't differentiate which were the doctors and which the nurses. Charlie was holding my right hand and it looked like he was crying. I squeezed his hand and instantly regretted it. My arm hurt so badly. How did I end up like this?

One of the doctors/nurses told me to not move and so I willingly complied. I looked at the ceiling and then realized we were moving. The ceiling was white as were the walls we were passing. _I wonder if _this _is what Alice saw?_

I looked back at Charlie; maybe he knew what had happened. "Charlie, what happened? I don't remember."

He gave a slight smile. "Well Bells, we were hoping you could tell us. Do you remember anything?"

I gave him the truth. "I don't know Charlie, I really don't remember anything except hitting my head on my nightstand." Then I remember our argument. "Oh Charlie I'm so sorry! I didn't mean anything I said about you. You're the best dad anyone could ask for. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me." I had begun to cry and the motion my body made as it cried made me cry out in pain so I stifled my sobs, which took a great effort.

We had just entered a room that was big enough that it could have held 3 or 4 carts yet it looked like it was just meant for me.

I wasn't there thirty seconds, when I was wheeled away to the x-ray room. They took x-rays of everywhere imaginable. It was only when they were trying to move me onto the table to get the x-rays done when I realized I had a brace on my neck and that my neck and back hurt terribly. After the x-rays were taken, they wheeled me back to my room and I got a few moments alone with Charlie… peaceful moments. Five minutes later, someone came in and took Charlie out to discuss some things. I saw the x-rays being put up on one of those light board things. The second they were up, Charlie covered his mouth and his eyes widened with what looked like horror. The doctor continued to talk to him and Charlie's face grew only worse until he was crying. When he came back in, he hadn't quite composed his face. He stood beside me and held my hand. There were a few nurses running around still, checking out all my signals.

"Charlie, what's wrong with me? What did the x-rays show? What happened to me?"

He looked pained but then complied. "Bella…" He had to move so one of the doctors/nurses could reach something next to him but as soon as she was gone; Charlie took up his spot again and continued. "Bella… you have a gash on your forehead, a concussion, your right arm is broken and…" he looked away, unable to continue.

"Dad?" I squeezed his hand, instantly regretting it. I felt another surge of pain run down my neck and back but I didn't make a sound, only a face.

Charlie looked back at me and then continued, but I then when I heard what he had to say, I wished I hadn't pressed him, I didn't want to hear it, "Bella, your back is broken. Apparently… somehow… you broke your window, why I don't know, and then threw yourself at the wall. You broke your neck, back and your arm and you have a concussion. On the way here to the hospital… your heart stopped. They had to shock you three times before it finally started again. In a few minutes, you will be getting ready for surgery. They have to fix you up a bit Bells."

I gaped at him. That explained why I felt the 'bolt of electricity'. Then I thought about what he said had happened to me, according to the doctors, in my room. I couldn't have done that to myself. A, I didn't remember doing anything other than falling and hitting my head and B… I… heard a growl. Before I could think any further the one I figured as the head doctor came over to Charlie and I. He asked Charlie to please wait in the waiting room since I was about to be prepped for surgery. Charlie agreed and slowly bent down to kiss me on my cheek since my head was probably covered in blood from the gash. After he had left and as I was slowly wheeled down the corridor, I became curious.

"Um, hi."

The doctor looked down at me and smiled. "Hello."

"I was wondering what am I going into surgery for?"

He looked down at me with a frown this time. It was also tinted with sadness and something that looked like he was disapproving me. "Well, we need to put a steal plate with some pins in your right arm since you have a very bad compound fracture, then we need to reconstruct your axis, that's the bone your head sits on and rotates on, and we need to reconstruct 13, 14, 15, and 16 of your Thoracic Vertebrae. You're in for a very long re-cooperation time. You'll probably spend some time in solitary confinement, which keeps anyone from seeing you except for doctors and nurses of course…"

"What?!" Did they mean what I thought they meant? "Are you saying I'm going to a mental institution?"

He looked down and nodded sadly.

I stuttered. "Bu-bu-but… I didn't try to commit suicide! Is that what you all think? That I tried to commit suicide? How is it possible for me to have done that? It isn't possible for me to have done that to myself! I don't even remember what happen!" I was hysteric I knew it. But I was not going to a crazy house for doing something I didn't even remember doing.

The doctor looked at me nervously them motioned for the nurse. She quickly added something to my bag of saline and I shortly after felt my eyelids getting droopy and my muscles relax considerably. She must have given me a sedative.

"I'm telling you da truf! I woodn't do dat!" My voice was just a whisper and I was mumbling because I couldn't get my mouth to form the words properly. The doctor looked at the nurse and I just barely heard what he said. It sounded so far away.

"How much did you give her? It should've taken at least a minute, not 10 seconds!"

"Doctor, I gave her exactly what her type calls for. Nothing more."

I knew that the sedative was working faster than usual. It should've taken me a little bit longer than what it did for me to feel the full effects. Yet I was still being lulled into an almost sleep like state.

As I began to fall into unconsciousness, I recognized one more thing, just as I entered the surgery room I saw someone I hadn't expected.

"Doctor Cullen. Your patient Isabella Swan."

"Thank-you Doctor Mitchell." Carlisle looked down at me and gave me a sad smile.

"Carlisle," I mumbled. I gave a small smile in turn.

Just before I fell into oblivion I heard him say one thing that made me smile big, "You can't stay out of the hospital for too long a time can you, Bella."

AN: Wow, sorry for such a delay in updating. Weird computer problems where preventing me from going online. Ugh, it was a pain. Well I hope you liked this chappie and the next one will be up in a couple days unless the internet goes all tempermental on me again. xD. Reviews, as always, are deeply appreciated.


	7. Chapter 7

Hollowed Existences

Chapter 7

My eyes slowly opened and then shut tightly as the halogen light blinded me. I kept my eyes shut and tried to think of what had happened to me. I remembered Charlie and I getting into a fight, I remembered tripping and hitting my head and waking up in the hospital, I remembered being told what my injuries were and that I needed to go into surgery, I remembered asking what was going to happen in the surgery and then being given morphine when I became overly anxious and how the morphine took effect rather quickly, then I remembered… just before I fell asleep… I couldn't remember. Something happened though… I saw someone…

My eyes snapped open and I sat up more quickly than I though possible. Before I could fully take in what I remembered, I fell back when a spasm of pain shot down my neck and spine and then remembered yet again, what my surgery had been for. As I groaned in pain, Charlie, who had been sitting to my left, woke up and looked at me.

"Bella! Your awake!" He looked anxiously towards the door, debating over something. He made up his mind and yelled, "Nurse! She's awake!"

I looked from Charlie to the door and saw a nurse come in. All the while I became aware of the fact that I couldn't move my head at all. When I tried, I felt something like metal, pull in places and press in others and I realized I had one of those metal headsets that kept my head and neck from moving. I also realized that there was something that was keeping my back straight. I'm not sure what it was but I was sure that it probably was a back brace of some sort so that my back would be able to heal properly.

The nurse checked over all my readings, my heartbeat, my breathing, and etcetera. When she told Charlie that I was fine, she turned to me.

"Isabella?"

"Just Bella."

"Alright then. Bella, how are you feeling right now?"

I hadn't really given much thought as to what I was feeling up to that point. I had mainly been concerned with Charlie and the nurse. I thought about it and tried to wiggle my fingers and toes. I had managed to, but I felt pain when I did.

"It hurts… when I move my fingers and toes. Is that normal?"

The nurse looked intently at me as if debating what should be said.

"Well, from what has happened to you, be grateful that you can move you fingers and toes at all. The surgery was very difficult, one of the most difficult ones we've ever done. As to whether or not what you are feeling is normal, I expect that your nerve receptors might be a little off for a little bit. We not only had to repair your broken bones but your spinal cord was damaged as well. It was a very difficult and time-consuming surgery. Be grateful you are alive. The survival rate of such an operation… well, let's just say that you are very, very lucky. If we hadn't had such an excellent doctor doing the surgery…"

"Carlisle!" I tried to get up but Charlie held me down. I remembered, every detail. Alice's vision, the noise after I hit my head, the 'morphine' induced sleep, and Carlisle himself. "Charlie! Carlisle did the surgery, I saw him, I talked to him!"

Charlie looked at the nurse for conformation but the nurse had an odd expression on her face.

"I am sorry Miss. Swan but it was not Dr. Carlisle Cullen who did the surgery, it was Dr. David Mitchell. Perhaps you have not heard, but Dr. Cullen moved south to Los Angeles with his wife and family."

I looked at the nurse for a long second trying to figure out what that look was for but I couldn't come up with anything.

"No, I saw him! I talked to him! Dr. Mitchell handed me over to him and said, 'Dr. Cullen. Your patient Isabella Swan.' Carlisle talked to me even! He said, 'You can't stay out of the hospital for too long a time can you, Bella.'"

"No, you are mistaken Miss. Swan. One moment please." She left the room and then returned five minutes later with Dr. Mitchell.

"Dr. Mitchell! Tell her about Carlisle, you talked to him, you handed me over to him! Remember?"

Dr. Mitchell looked from the nurse who gave a short nod, which I would have missed if I hadn't been looking directly at her. Dr. Mitchell looked back at me and with a straight face said, "Miss. Swan, I performed your surgery. It was I who said that you couldn't seem to stay out of the hospital for too long a time. That was I, not Dr. Cullen. Becky Smith, the nurse, was the one who handed you over to me."

"What? No, it was Carlisle. I know that it was him, everything that happened to me I remember clearly. Alice and the message, the noises I heard, why I became so tired so quickly from the morphine… it all makes sense. Why are you lying and telling me it wasn't him?" I couldn't understand why they were lying to me.

The Doctor gave a worried glance to the nurse.

"Miss. Swam, you were probably hallucinating, it's an affect of the morphine. The morphine can sometimes create hallucinogens… make you see things that aren't really there. What reason would there be for us to lie to you?"

I thought about it over and over in my mind yet I couldn't wrap my brain around the prospect of what I had seen and heard being nothing more then a hallucination. The more I though about it the more I also realized that I was sort of in a daze when I went into the surgery room. I was, for lack of a better word, out of it. My mind could have created an image that made me think of someone I would have wanted to see perform the surgery. Yes, that would seem like a more likely answer, after all, why would the doctors and nurses lie to me? When I began to feel better, I would then re-think everything.

I looked up to the doctor and nodded slowly, admitting defeat. I accepted what he said, for now. He nodded, bid his farewell, then left. The nurse, after checking all my vitals again, quickly followed suit.

I looked at Charlie and slowly held out my hand to him. He took it and gave it a slight squeeze. He then leaned over and kissed my forehead. I could tell I was tired and needed to rest. I closed my eyes and slowed my breathing. Then in a whisper almost inaudible, I said to Charlie, "They're lying." Without waiting for a response, I fell into a deep and soundless sleep.

AN: Ooohhh. So is she hallucinating? Or did she really see Carlisle? xD. You reviews are highly valued. If you have time, drop me one. I should be updating again on Monday!


	8. Chapter 8

Hollowed Existences

Chapter 8

Four months passed slowly. It took that long for my neck and back to heal and for them to take the steel bars off my head and the brace from my back. After the first month, I had been moved to a solitary confinement center. No one but the doctors, nurses, and psychiatrists were allowed in there for my first month of stay in the nut house. After nearly two months, Charlie and Renee were allowed to see me. At that time, I still had the 'junk metal', as I referred to it as, in place so they couldn't give me a hug easily. Renee was crying of course. She asked me many questions about how they were treating me and how was the food and did I ever have anyone to talk to. I assured her they were taking good care of me and that I talked to the psychiatrists every day. She made a face at that. I'm sure she didn't count the 'shrinks' as someone to actually talk to, but she understood that no one else was allowed. She said that she would visit me every day for the rest of my stay here and that pleased me somewhat. About one month and a half after their first visit, I was told that the 'junk metal' could come off. I was very happy and giddy at the thought of finally moving my head freely again. I went into surgery to have the metal screws taken out and when I came out of surgery and woke up, I realized with great disappointment that I still had a neck brace of sorts on.

"Excuse me." One of the nurses had come in to make sure all was well with me.

"Yes?"

"I thought that the whole point of getting the junk metal off of me was so that I could move my head again. I don't think I can move my head even a fraction of an inch with this brace on."

The nurse, as always when faced with a question from me, scowled. "Well, if we just took the 'junk metal', as you call if, off of you, you would probably break your neck all over again. Your muscles aren't built up yet. They have become weak from not being used for three months and with the average human head being so heavy and your neck muscles being so weak, if your head fell the wrong way, your neck would break… again."

I knew she was right, yet I wanted to give her a hard time. I had become very… intolerant, ignorant, and downright rude during my stay here. After all, if they thought I was crazy, I wasn't going to act polite at all.

"Well then don't you think the best way to build up those muscles again is for me to use my neck? And how can I do that with this thing on?"

The nurse looked offended, she then straightened her back and held her head high and put on a face of pure hate.

"Yes, you need to work your muscle strength in your neck but it will only be done when the doctor is here to monitor you and it will only be done for a small amount of time a day. It will take another few months before your neck will be as it once was so I'd suggest getting used to this place because your not leaving anytime soon."

Now it was my turn to be shocked. Usually the nurses just put up with my attitude and just answered my questions. They hadn't once, until now, snapped on me.

"Alright then. Just make sure you tell the doctor to hurry his lazy butt up so I can get out of here. I am growing quite bored of looking at these walls all the time."

The Nurse didn't even attempt to respond. She new I'd just create another rude remark so she just left me to my self. During such times, I pondered over what had happened to me nearly four months ago. It was fading around the edges, but the parts I needed most were still vivid in my mind. It was during these times that I made plans on what I was going to do when I got out.

If I could just find that email Alice had sent me saying that she saw what had happened to me, then I knew everything else would make sense. The only thing I didn't understand, even now, was why if she saw it, did she come and bring Jasper? She knew he had the least tolerance for human blood. So if she saw me hitting my head, causing blood to flow, why would she have brought him?

I now understood what had basically happened. After I had tripped and cut my head, Jasper had hurled himself through the window towards me. Alice, apparently, didn't have time to catch a hold of him, or just didn't care to hold on to him, which in itself is confusing. Why would she want Jasper to attack me? That bit about why Jasper was there was the only truly confusing part about the whole scene. After Jasper had crashed through my window, he had hurled me across my room by my arm, causing the break in my arm, and I smashed into my wall causing my neck and back to break. I could guess as much anyway. Somehow, Jasper hadn't fed on me and Charlie had come upstairs to find out what the noise was about. When he found me lying bleeding and broken on the floor, he called the ambulance. When they got there, they rushed me to the hospital but my heart had stopped from the shock, I guessed, and they needed to shock me three times before it started again. The next piece of the puzzle that I had solved was that Carlisle had been there and had done my surgery, I guessed as much because of the too innocent face of the nurse and the nod she gave Dr. Mitchell as if encouraging him to lie to me. Carlisle had probably asked the hospital not to tell me it was him. More than likely he said it would cause me distress and may cause me to hurt myself if the truth of him being there had been confirmed. Carlisle had probably done my surgery because he knew that the surgery was going to be tricky and with his super human abilities, it made it slightly less so. Jasper, while on my way to surgery, tried to lull me to sleep when the morphine was added to my bag of saline. He wanted to make sure I was asleep before I saw Carlisle, probably on Edwards orders, but I apparently fought against the drowsiness long enough to see Carlisle and hear him. The whole mess swirled around my brain, causing me to think up different reasons for the actions made and what the motives behind them may have been. I was so deep in though that I hadn't heard my visitor enter the room.

"Hello Bella."

I snapped out of my thoughts and looked at the face of my best friend.

"Jacob." I sighed his name, grateful that I could finally tell the truth about what I thought had happened. I could finally get it out and be believed. His face was sad, many emotions flickering across his face. The current and most prominent one, was grief.

"Jacob," I said tentatively, "what's wrong?"

He looked down at his shoes but not before I saw a single tear fall.

"Jacob?"

He looked back up but this time, his face was furious. He looked at me, the tear still shining down his face, which created an odd contrast of the two emotions, anger and pain.

"Bella… how could you do this to yourself?"

I looked at him shocked. How could _he_ believe them? What made him think I was capable of injuring myself so severely? I rethought that. What made him think I was capable of injuring myself so severely on purpose in my own room?

AN: hehe xD. Oh what a twisted web it is. Reviews are as always, greatly appreciated. Next update sometime this week. Not sure when seeing as I'm quite busy with summer school starting up in less than a week and I have to cram all my summer plans into a one week span. Hopefully will have time on Thursday or Friday though. Hope you enjoyed!


	9. Chapter 9

Hollowed Existences

Chapter 9

"Jake."

I was gaping at him. He turned his head away from me in disgust.

"Jake, Jacob, listen to me." He remained where he was. I breathed deeply.

"Jake, I will tell you everything that happened from the day I supposedly 'attempted suicide' till today if you just pay attention and look at me."

Jacob looked at me and slowly nodded. He didn't say anything; he just leaned against the wall facing me and gave me a look that told me he was listening.

I breathed in. "Okay, here goes."

Just as I was about to speak, the words froze in my throat. Logically, I began to think. I'm in a mental institution. They must keep eyes on me at all times and the walls can't be see through. There are no viewing windows so that must mean that…

"Jake, are there video cameras… and voice recorders?"

He was confused for a second but then nodded.

"Yes, there are. Why?"

This was going to be tricky. "Okay well Jacob, you know about, ugh, your condition?"

Jacob stared at her but then nodded, understanding what she was asking.

"Okay well, you now my friends, the ones you don't like, how they all have a condition too?"

He nodded yet again.

"Well, those friends of mine heard that I was going to get in a fight with Charlie. In fact, the one practically saw it coming. You understand?"

Now Jacob was really confused. I had to help him out.

"You know… my one friend. She is really good at predicting things. Understand?"

"Ohhhhh. Yeah, I gotcha."

I sighed. "Good, well, she practically saw what was going to happen between Charlie and me and then what happened later."

I waited for him to nod and when he did, I continued.

"Well, she came and watched to make sure nothing would happen. But she brought her boyfriend and her family with. Just to make sure I was going to be okay."

He nodded after a couple seconds.

"Well, her boyfriend is… Bipolar… you know how they all are."

Nods.

"But, he has the least control over his bipolar actions. So he went sort of crazy and freaked out a bit when I tripped and hit my head on my nightstand causing my head to bleed. Understand?"

I knew what I was saying was sounding like babble talk to any outside ears. Jacob froze. He understood fully what had happened. He accessed my condition then swore. "Filthy leeches!"

"Jake."

He looked back at me.

"Please, a little help with my current residence."

He nodded. "Of course. I'll talk to my dad. Maybe he can persuade your dad and mom."

"Thanks."

He got up and went to leave.

"Oh and Jacob, if you want, I'll explain my… bipolar theory in full at a later date."

"Alright." He smiled then walked back over to me and kissed my forehead. "Get better soon Bells. I'll try to find you a new place to stay." He then leaned back and looked at his feet. "Oh, and I am sorry I didn't believe you. I should have known you wouldn't try something like this and that the scene of your bedroom…" He shook his head unable to continue.

"Thanks Jake."

He grinned. "Hey, maybe you could move in with me."

"Um, I suppose I may be safe from the bipolar people… but I then have to worry about the schizophrenic people in your family."

He put his hand to his chest. "Ouch, that one hurt."

"Meant it to."

He ruffled my hair gently. "I'll see you tomorrow Bella."

"I'll be waiting."

"I know."

He was almost out the door when a sudden thought hit me.

"Hey Jake?"

He turned around.

"Yeah?"

"Why did you come here?"

He smiled a small smile.

"To try to figure out what had happened and what was running throught your head. I also just wanted to check up on an old friend, make sure she was doing okay."

I grinned.

"And what is your conclusion?"

"That your mind wasn't really the problem and that you seem to be okay except for the fact that you look really bored."

"Got that right. Thanks again Jake."

"Anytime."

He left the room and I suddenly felt the loneliness this place brought with it. I now had something to look forward to. I could hope now that Jacob could persuade his dad to persuade Charlie. Hopefully it would work and I'd be out of here in a second. I could only hope. I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep. My plans may move forward if I left this place. They may only involve proving that what had happened had really happened but it was enough so long as I found out I wasn't paranoid… or a schizoid… or bipolar…

AN: Okay, hope you enjoyed the chapter as always. Reviewing is always greatly appreciated! I must say though that my updating will be very... odd. I may update in 2 days yet it may be a week or more. The chapters are already written so it's just access to the internet that's going to be a problem seeing as I'm in the middle of moving and I'm finding it hard to get online. So if I go a long time without writing, fear not, I will update... eventually. Until all this stupid moving stuff is over and done with, please bear with me.


	10. Chapter 10

Hollowed Existences

Chapter 10

The Next Day

"Hey Bella, guess what?"

I opened my eyes partially as if I didn't care.

"What is it Jacob?"

"You're going to get out of here in a little over a week."

My eyes snapped open. I was hoping to get out of this dreadful place but I thought it would take at least a month, not one week.

"Really?" I squeaked.

"Yep, you just need about one weeks worth of neck and back exercises and they'll let you off. But someone has to be monitoring you every second of everyday when you get out; so I volunteered, naturally." He grinned coyly.

I gave him a scolding look and waggled my finger. "Now, now Jake. You need your rest. You can't be off taking care of little ole' me now can you?" I couldn't help but smile.

"Of course I can! What else is there to do in the boring town of Forks? There are no bipolar people to find so I'm fine!"

I laughed. "Yay! Are you sure Charlie won't think your like, intruding upon my personal space?"

He grinned. "Oh well, if he does, I'll just say I'm watching you. You know, making sure you don't attempt suicide again."

My smile turned to a frown. "I never tried to kill myself Jake."

"Ah, yes. But your parents don't know that."

"Jacob," I said in a condescending voice.

His smile vanished. "I'm sorry."

He looked down at his watch and his eyes widened. "Crap, I'm going to be late for my interview."

I raised an eyebrow questioningly.

He looked at me. "A job. I have an interview for a job outside of the preservation. You know, for extra cash. I can't be late."

I waved my hand dismissing him.

"Fine, go on. Leave me to my own demise."

He grinned. "Somehow I think you'll survive."

I looked at him with a mischievous grin. "Oh you don't know that. According to the doctors, all I have to do is remove my neck brace and my neck could break. I wonder what would happen if I went to jump up and down. I wonder if that would cause it to severe the spinal cord. I have many ways that I can think up of possible ways to kill myself."

His smile vanished. "Bella?"

He actually thought I was serious. "Jacob! I'm joking! Now, get out of here so you're not late! Go on, Shoo!"

He grinned. "Alright. I'll be back tonight to tell you how it went. Okay?"

"Fine."

He waved goodbye and left the room.

Just as he had left, a doctor came in. I recognized her as Doctor Frau.

"Hello Bella. Time for neck exercises." She smiled pleasantly at me and I smiled back.

I was in a good mood. I wasn't going to be a pain in the rear right now. Then the nurse came in. The one I had been oh so rude to. Her name was Judy.

"Hello Nurse Judy." I said pleasantly. She looked at me warily.

"Hello Bella."

"How has your day been so far?" She actually smiled at me sensing my good mood.

"Fine. How was yours?" She motioned towards the door where Jacob had just left.

I smiled wider. "I couldn't have asked for a better day with better news."

"Yes, I heard you are getting out in a week. Congratulations!"

"Thanks."

"I was wondering if the good mood was because you were leaving or because your boyfriend stopped by."

I laughed. "He's not my boyfriend, just my friend. My best friend in the whole wide world who I owe everything to."

"Wow, wish I had a friend like that."

I knew she was joking. She probably had a few. Doctor Frau walked over and interrupted.

"All right ladies, well we need to do neck exercises now."

I nodded. "Okay, just be careful. I'm a klutz. I could go to turn my head to the left and my chin could hit my shoulder and re-brake my neck. Just warning you since this is the first exercise."

Doctor Frau smiled. "Yes, your parents have told us how you tend to accidentally injure yourself on a regular basis."

She slowly unclasped the clasps on the neck brace.

"Now Bella, your head will feel like a really heavy bowling ball once this brace is removed. I will hold your head up by placing my fingers under your chin and gently lowering your chin down to meet your chest."

I nodded and gave her the signal to take the brace off. She removed the brace and held my head up by my chin. I felt just how heavy my head was. It felt like an elephant was sitting on top of my neck, not my head. Once my chin was against my chest, Doctor Frau stepped back a foot or so.

"Alright Bella. What you now need to do is try to lift your head. You are only supposed to lift it slightly, not all the way up. Understand?"

"Yes," I mumbled.

I slowly tried to lift my head and couldn't. What was wrong with me? I tried yet again and failed. I sighed, frustrated at my own lack of ability of lifting my own head. I clenched my fist and slammed it down on the bed. The movement caused my head to bounce and flop to the side. Doctor Frau practically lunged at me in an attempt to keep my neck from re-breaking when she saw my fist rise. She stopped my chin from coming in contact with my shoulder. She looked at me sternly.

"Sorry."

"No it is all right," said Doctor Frau.

"Now aren't you glad that Doctor Frau was here? You could have just re-broken you neck other wise."

I glanced at Nurse Judy and smiled. "Yes, I am glad. Thanks for not taking vengeance on me for my idiotic behavior and taking the brace off. I don't know if I would have been able to stand this place for another 4 months or…" I trailed off knowing full and well what else may have happened.

Nurse Judy smiled. "Yes, you were a… handful at times, but I never would have done that."

I nodded. I looked at the clock then back to Doctor Frau.

"How long am I going to be doing this?"

Doctor Frau looked at the clock.

"Well, since you are leaving in about one week, we need to spend more time a day then usual practicing. So, we will do exercises once in the morning and once at night and each session will be one hour long. Usually it is just thirty minutes per day, but we need to speed it up a bit."

I nodded. I knew at the rate my neck was 'not' working, the hour was going to be a very, very long one and I would need to work every session of this week to me fullest extent. I was not going to go home and not be able to do anything for myself. I had plans.

I relaxed myself and tried again. My head lifted what seemed like a quarter of an inch. Nurse Judy clapped her hands.

"Now we're getting somewhere," I mumbled with a slight hint of happiness.

It wasn't that great, but small leaps were better than no leaps and no leaps right now were not acceptable. Maybe this hour wouldn't be so long after all. I smiled at the thought.

AN: Okay then, hope you enjoyed the chapter and that the story isn't moving too terribly slow. I'm trying very hard to make the chapters I'm currently working on longer. Having some luck I'll add. Well, if you have a few moments to spare, please drop me a review and I will be forever grateful as always.


	11. Chapter 11

Hollowed Existences

Chapter 11

The following day, Charlie had told me that Renee was going to stay here in Forks with me for a month or so. He didn't mention Phil so I assumed he was still in Florida. That deflated my good mood. I didn't want her to have to leave him for me even if it was only for a month. He mentioned how tomorrow I would leave and I was quite happy, giddy at the thought of finally leaving.

When tomorrow did come, the day seemed like nothing more than a vague dream or memory. Nothing truly stands out seeing as the doctors thought it would be best to sedate me so I wouldn't become worked up. I thought that that was a load of bull, yet I let them put the sedative in me without an argument, which given the circumstances I was surprised with myself.

I was incased in my back brace for safety reasons seeing as my back wasn't fully up to snuff yet. My neck was put in the neck brace for similar reasons and then I was placed into a wheelchair. After that, the sedative had started to take effect and everything became very blurry. I remember flashes of images. As I had left the mental hospital, I saw Charlie, Renee, Jacob, Billy, Jessica, Angela, Mike, Tyler, and Eric all waiting for me. They all came up to me and said how happy they were that I was out. I remember getting a bunch of flowers and then I think I fell asleep.

I next woke up in Charlie's cruiser as he slammed his door shut and came around to my side. We were home in Forks and he was unloading my wheel chair from behind me in the back seat. I saw Renee pull up on the street in her own car.

The next thing I knew, I was being placed in my bed. I was told I could get a shower tomorrow and that I needed to sleep for a while now. Without thinking twice, I fell asleep into a dreamless, drug induced sleep.

I moaned as I slowly came to consciousness. I was lying down on my back in an extremely comfy bed. The hospital beds weren't this comfy were they? Plus the air didn't have the same 'fake air' smell. I cracked my eyes open, not daring to hope that what I remembered wasn't a dream. I saw my window and the dull clouds just beyond it, in my rocking chair sat Charlie with his head titled back and mouth hanging slightly open. I glanced at the figure lying with her back turned beside me. Renee lay there sleeping as well.

I sighed. I was _finally_ home.

I glanced at my clock and saw it was a little past noon and realized that Charlie and Renee must have been watching me in my sleep and must have fallen asleep in the early hours of the morning.

I raised my hands shakily, still slightly wobbly from the sedative, and tried to remove my neck brace. Once it was unclasped, I slowly raised myself up in bed, making sure to go slowly, and undid my back brace as well.

I took the two braces and shoved them onto the floor were they made a dull thud. Charlie grunted in his sleep but otherwise remained in his slumber. I lowered myself back down slowly, and curled onto my side. I drifted back of to sleep, the fact that I felt more comfortable then I had been for months helped quite a bit.

I rolled over to my opposite side. Something had awoken me unwillingly. I listened and heard the distinct sound of conversation that sounded as if it were coming from downstairs.

"… needs is rest."

"I know Charlie, but I just want to go up and see her. I promise I won't disturb her.'

That sounded like Charlie and… Jake?

"If all he wants to do is go up and check on her, I don't see the problem Charlie."

That was Renee.

There was a silence, which lasted a good minute or two.

"Fine, but if you disturb her…"

"I won't."

I heard Charlie grumble a little bit, then the creak of the stairs as Jacob came up.

I closed my eyes, hoping he would believe me to be asleep.

The doorknob turned and the door opened slowly with a slight creak. It shut without a noise and then I felt my bed dip down on one side.

"Bella, you are an awful actress."

"Damn, thought I had you going for a minute."

"Nope."

We were whispering knowing if Charlie or Renee heard, Jacob would be thrown out.

I opened my eyes an inch and saw Jacob smiling.

"Does it feel good to be home? You look really comfy."

"Mm, you have no idea. I've been stuck in those plastic excuses for beds for far too long with that terrible lab created air to breath in. I swear, I could have gone crazy just from those factors."

"Lab created air?" He chuckled.

"Yep, you know how that air is so… phony. Like it's been filtered through so many filters so many times that it's not even air anymore… just oxygen… nothing else."

"Well, they have a good reason for the air to be clean. They can't have any germs floating through the air especially when a patient could get infected from it or something."

"Yeah, I know. But still." I took a deep breath to emphasize my point. "Fresh air, god how I've missed you."

"Aww, I'm happy to know that you missed me."

I opened my eyes, grinned, and slapped him across his shoulder.

"I wasn't talking about you, you nitwit. I was talking about the air… the freshness and normalness of it."

He placed on a sad face, dropped his lips and eyes, and hunched his shoulders.

"Fine, I guess I'll go seeing as I'm not wanted."

He began to raise himself slowly and walked towards the door in a defeated manner.

"Nitwit," I murmured under my breath.

Even though he was turned away from me, I could still see the sides of his face as they turned up into a smile.

Then I remembered something.

"Oh Jacob, how did your interview go?"

He spun around and smiled a huge smile. "Great!"

He hadn't controlled the volume of his voice and soon Charlie was coming up the steps with loud bangs as each foot hit the stairs in anger.

He looked at me sadly.

"Sorry," he muttered.

"It's fine. I'll just tell Charlie I was awake a little before hand. We need to talk and I don't want you to leave yet. After all, you must tell me about your interview."

He beamed. "Yeah, you really should hear it. It's a… very entertaining one."

"Aww man, now you made me extremely curious. Nope, you're not leaving until I hear."

Charlie opened the door with a bang and looked at Jacob intensely.

"Look what you did! You woke her up! She was sleeping soundly and comfortably!"

Jacob looked down and I took over.

"Charlie, I was awake long before Jacob came up."

Charlie looked at me, not quite believing.

"Then why didn't you call your mother or I?"

"Because I wanted some peace and quite for a little while. I just wanted to lay in my room, in my super comfy bed, and breath in the fresh air for a bit. That's all."

He nodded.

Jacob looked at Charlie then at me.

"Should I leave?"

"Yes." Charlie said.

"No." I said at the exact same moment as Charlie.

Charlie looked at me with conflict.

"Charlie, you have no idea how good it is to also talk to someone who isn't a doctor of any sort. That's one other thing I missed. You see I have a list of things I've missed. Number 1, fresh air; Number 2, my comfy non-plastic bed; Number 3, being able to look out a window and know that a world really exists beyond this room; Number 4, being able to talk to a non-personnel person."

Charlie sighed in defeat.

"Fine, but you have 30 minutes. After that, he leaves. You need to build up your strength Bells."

I nodded.

"30 minutes. Okay. That starts as soon as you leave my room and are downstairs."

"Fine," he mumbled and grudgingly left my room, shutting the door unwillingly behind him.

I heard him make his way downstairs then grinned at Jacob.

"Okay, you have 30 minutes to tell me about your interview. I would tell you about what happened here first but to be honest, I'm really tired and I don't really have the brain power right now to divulge what I've put together."

Jacob nodded slowly. It was easily obvious that he really wanted to know what I knew.

"Tomorrow," I promised him.

He glanced at my clock.

"Wow, I'm lucky. Tomorrow starts in four hours. Guess I don't have to wait long."

"You know what I mean."

"Yeah I do. Okay." he took a deep breath. "Yesterday was… well, you'll understand by the time my story is finished. It sounds more like the sort of day _you_ would have though."

We laughed.

"Oh boy. That doesn't sound too good."

"No it wasn't, but yet, I somehow managed to get the job."

He grinned. I nodded him on to start the story.

"Well, I knew it was going to be a interesting day the second I stepped out of my car and into an ankle deep pothole of water…"

AN: Okay, really sorry for not updating sooner. A whole bunch of things sort of hit at once and pulled me down. I'm back though so yay! Anywho, I should update in two or three days if everything goes according to plan. Hope you enjoyed the chapter and if you have time, drop me a review, I'd be forever greatful.


	12. Chapter 12

Hollowed Existences

Chapter 12

When I awoke, I noticed something extremely bright shinning through my eyelids. It wasn't the usual white from the luminescent institute lights it was more golden. I opened my eyes and saw the sun in all its splendor shining through my window.

"Okay good, it wasn't a dream!"

I slowly got up and put on my robe, headed for the door, and went downstairs… very slowly I'll add. Charlie and Renee saw me, there were two emotions flickering across both their faces at the same time. One was that they seemed to be happy, probably due to my smiling, and two outraged that I had walked down the stairs by myself.

I sighed.

"I'm not a completely incompetent person. I can take care of myself you know and I don't want help walking up and down my own houses steps."

Charlie stood up.

"You could have seriously injured yourself! What would have happened if you had tripped and fallen?"

I shrugged.

"Well, if memory serves me correct, whenever I would trip and fall down the stairs, I would usually get a bruised… something. I don't believe it would be the end of the world."

I grinned. Charlie was furious.

"Charlie," I pleaded, "how would you feel if you've been cooped up for a few months and were never even really allowed out of bed and then all of a sudden, you're home and you have the ability to take care of yourself again? Please understand that it just feels so good to be able to walk and do things without an escort and them helping me."

Charlie's face softened and he nodded.

Renee just seemed to be watching the whole spectacle as if she were an observer until she stood up and walked over and gave me a hug.

"How are you feeling this morning honey?"

"Well, it is sunny out," I smiled at Renee.

"Yes, quite an odd occurrence isn't it? I suppose we should be worried because were bound to get terrible weather after this as payment for the few hours worth of sunshine."

"Uh oh, I think you may be right. Well, I'm definitely staying indoors then. Last thing I need is to wind up in the hospital again."

We all gave a few light laughs that soon turned to an awkward silence. With nothing better to do, and a stomach growling, I walked over to the fridge, removed the milk, grabbed the box of Frosted Cheerios, a bowl, and made myself some cereal. Charlie and Renee had offered to make it for me, but I just refused and made it myself. I sat down at the table and savored the taste of my long lost Frosties.

"Oh how I've missed you Frosties."

Charlie and Renee smiled slightly then slowly sat down. I knew this wasn't going to be good the second Charlie cleared his throat.

"Bella honey?" Renee asked hesitantly.

I looked up unwillingly, sensing the dread of an unpleasant conversation starting up.

"Yeah?" I asked through a mouthful of cereal.

Renee looked down at her hands and slowly clasped them together on the table.

"We need to talk."

Definitely not good.

"Sure, what do you want to talk about?"

"Well honey…" she broke off.

Charlie looked at Renee and sensing she wasn't going to continue, or more like couldn't continue, he spoke up.

"We just wanted to talk about what had happened that night, in your room."

I sighed.

_And here comes another fight._

"Okay…"

I put my spoon back in my dish, got up and put it on the counter, far away from any possible soon to be flying fists and arms.

"Do you want to start asking questions? Didn't the shrinks do a good enough good? Or do you just want to question me yourselves, figuring that I may have held something back? Please, do tell."

They both flinch slightly. I hadn't intended on my voice sounding so harsh, but let's see you being battered with questions about what had happened every single day for months, your nerves would be shot as well.

"Could you please just tell us why you did what you did? I mean, I know we had had an argument a few moments beforehand but… I never thought I had made you that upset. Bells, I'm sorry. If I caused the reaction you had-"

"Charlie stop."

I pushed my chair back, placed my head in my hands, and my elbows on my knees.

"You didn't do anything, Charlie, it was just an accident. You know how accidents seem to make up my life and this was just another one. Simple as that." I said in desperation.

The following silence proved that no matter what I said, I couldn't prove my innocents. Even if I could find the email, even if I could prove that Jasper had attacked me, I didn't want to expose him. I didn't want him, or any of the Cullen's to get into trouble. I could try to pin it on some mystery murderer but it wouldn't be convincing enough. I couldn't prove my innocence, which only meant one thing; I would have to play along and plead guilty. I sighed heavily and wished everyone would just forget, but knowing they wouldn't, I urged myself to speak.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

I heard Renee stifle a sob as she rushed over to me and embraced me in a hug.

"Oh Bella, if you were so unhappy, all you had to do was call me. I would've come up. We could have had some fun and gone shopping in Seattle for a few days. We could've gone to get facials and manicures. All you had to do was call me honey."

_God, she sounds like Alice._

At that thought, I let out a small laugh and then exploded into tears. Renee hugged me and rocked me slightly. I felt Charlie place a hand on my back and rub soothing circles.

I realized they wanted me to continue. They wanted me to open up and confess why I'd done what I had done to myself. I quickly thought up of something and then slowly stopped crying. I took in a shaky breath (for theatrics of course) and cleared my throat.

Charlie and Renee didn't leave my side. I looked at them each in turn and then let my gaze fall to the floor where it stayed.

"I was just so unhappy. Ever since he left… all I could do was think about him. It just hurt so much to know that he left me and didn't even love me anymore and all I wanted to do was to die because I couldn't stand the loneliness. I didn't want to be alone. Plus you have to admit, Forks can be a depressing place at times…"

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Renee smile at me slightly in understanding and Charlie looked down at his feet. I quickly continued.

"… and it was just a combination of things. I missed him and his family so much; this place was always so dreary which didn't help my mood. I missed you mom a little bit. I missed Phoenix and the sun. I just couldn't take it anymore. I just wanted out and I knew of only one way to achieve it."

I put my face in my hands.

"Bella…"

I looked up into my mother's face and saw that it was filled with a sadness I had never seen before. I immediately felt guilty. Charlie looked at me in shock. He had never guessed my pain went that deep. I slowly stood up, making sure I didn't bump into either of them.

"I need to get a shower. I'll be back down in a little bit and no," I held up my hand towards Renee, as she was about to speak, "I don't need help getting a shower but thanks for the offer." I smiled slightly and exited the kitchen as quickly as possible. As I made my way upstairs, I re-thought about what I had said and with a pang, I realized what I had said was true. Well, no, I hadn't tried to kill myself but the emotions… they had been my _real_ emotions, and I had said them without even realizing it. I continued up the stairs and into the bathroom, all the while contemplating what I had said from the heart and whether or not I was going to do anything about them.

AN: Hmm, what do you all think about Bella's new... form of the thinking? xD. Well, hope you enjoyed. As usual if you have a second to spare, drop me a review. Reviews equal Happy Dance.


	13. Chapter 13

Hollowed Existences

Chapter 13

"Bella," Charlie yelled from downstairs.

"Yeah?"

"Jacob's here!"

I nearly jumped out of bed when I heard the announcement of Jacob's arrival. I quickly book marked the page of the book I had been reading and placed it on my bedside table. I made my way downstairs slowly and saw Jacob standing in the doorway, hanging up his coat on the coat rack.

"Hey Jacob," I said brightly.

"Hey Bella." Jacob said equally back.

"Come on upstairs then," I said as I made a hand gesture towards the direction of the stairs.

Charlie heard and his mouth fell open.

"He is not going into your room!"

"Charlie," I looked at him with a frown, "he was just in my room last night. Besides, it's your fault he's over here again seeing as you only gave us 30 minutes to talk last night and that was no where near enough time for Jacob and I to catch up."

Charlie nodded reluctantly and gave me a look I didn't understand; he almost looked sad. He headed back towards to living room where the sounds of a soap opera where playing from.

I led Jacob up to my room where I heard the distant conversation coming from the living room.

"Hey! I was watching something!"

"Move your feet, lose your seat or in this case, TV program."

"But it's the World Series and this drama stuff is so boring!"

I snickered as I heard Renee and Charlie go at it like little kids. I heard a similar sound come from Jacob behind me.

Once in my room, I shut the door behind us and then went over and sat down on my bed. Jacob went to pull out the chair from the computer desk but it was stuck. He tugged a bit harder, yet still to no avail.

"Maybe it's caught on a cord," I told him, grinning slightly at his frustrated state.

He pulled harder and was rewarded with the impact of the top corner of the chair's back coming in contact with his groin. He let out a small whimper as he fell to the floor.

I laughed but then quickly went over and knelt beside Jacob.

"Jake? Are you all right," I asked in between fits of giggles.

He stared up at me furiously.

"Stop laughing! This hurts like hell!"

"Of that I have no doubt. And the only reason it's funny is because this is what happened to you at your interview isn't it? Or at least, one of many bad luckish things to happen anyway."

I snickered and he glared.

"I think I should stop hanging around you Bella," Jacob said remorsefully.

I looked down at him in shock. He couldn't be saying what he was saying could he?

"Wha?"

"Your bad luck is starting to rub off on me and it's becoming quite a nuisance."

Jacob cracked a smile and I sighed in relief at his joke. Then, I let out a small chuckle and helped him to his feet.

This incident brought back the memory of last night and Jacob's odd interview. I laughed under my breath at the memory and I recalled Jacob's recollection of the events he went through just to get a job. He had been right, it did sound like a normal day in Bellaville but far from a normal day in Jacobville.

"_Well, I knew it was going to be a interesting day the second I stepped out of my car and into an ankle deep pothole of water soaking my best shoes. And let me tell you, those shoe's were _not _cheap."_

_I chuckled slightly and Jacob sighed impatiently._

"_Bella, I'm not going to tell you what happened if you're going to be all giggly during it."_

_I composed my face and stared at him as emotionlessly as possible._

"_Proceed," I said calmly._

_Jacob grinned and continued._

"_Well, I just thought that the pothole was just a little sign of bad luck and so therefore I ignored it. So, I went up to the office building, because I was applying to be a filer, I know, boring job, but they are willing to pay me really good money for working for them for the next few months. Like I was saying, I went up to the office building and opened the door and the next thing I know, this guy carrying a box runs into me, drops the box which sent billions of these little paper holes flying every where. The guy then started to yell at me for being a 'young hooligan' and insisted I help him clean the mess up unless he wanted me to call the sheriff," he grinned at me, "even though I have connections, I still agreed to clean up and was soon on my way up to the office. When I entered, the receptionist looked at me and she looked like she was going to laugh at any minute. I looked down at myself and I see that I pretty much look like a dalmation but reversed. I was wearing black shoes, pants, and a black v-neck sweater and I had all these little white dots sticking to me all over the place. I looked back up at the lady and quickly explained what happened. She just nodded her head and once I told her I was there for the interview, she gave me a clipboard with a paper to fill out and a pen clasped on the top and pointed me towards the door where I guessed an empty room to fill out my paper was. I unclipped the pen from the top of the clipboard and began to fill out the paper. Once I was almost finished, I realized that the ink from the pen was coming out to quickly and was making my writing illegible. I tried to quickly finish my signature at the bottom but just as I started to write my last name, the pen practically exploded ink all over the place! It was on the paper, the clipboard, the desk, the chair and on me! But you could only tell it was on me because you couldn't see some of the white dots anymore. I threw the pen down and went to open the door to tell the receptionist what had happened when the door opened and someone walked in. The guy looked at the scene of the room, the look of my clothes, the look on my face, and burst out laughing. He asked me what had happened to me and so I told him."_

_I just couldn't hold it in any longer; I erupted with laughter and couldn't stop. I laughed for what seemed like hours until the pain in my stomach caused me to stop and I quieted to giggles. I looked up at Jacob and he was giving me a reproving look._

"_I thought you said you wouldn't laugh," he stated calmly._

"_Actually, all I said was 'Proceed'. I never said I would or wouldn't laugh."_

_Jacob scowled._

_I grinned and gave in, "I promise to not make another peep for the rest of your story."_

_He nodded and continued reluctantly._

"_The guy, Mr. Joe Boyle, was not as strict as I thought he was going to be. He was a really nice guy. He just sort of had to keep a tough appearance to keep everyone in line but he's quite a nice guy actually. When he started to interview me in another spare room, he asked me all sorts of questions like, why did I want this job, what uses would the money be for, how punctual and time mannerly was I, you know, stuff like that. In the end, he said he was happy with my interview and said that I sounded pretty sincere and an all around serious guy, so he gave me the job."_

_Jacob looked pretty smug when he finished._

"_So your ride home was uneventful?"_

"_No," he said slowly, "I-" he stopped short and looked at the ground as if embarrassed, "I nearly ran into a little old lady crossing the street. I swerved to avoid hitting her and therefore ran into a tree. The car was damaged a little but is reparable and I'm fine too."_

_I looked at him with my mouth open._

"_I know, it's a miracle I walked away isn't it."_

_He thought I was staring at him like that because I was worried about him? Granted I was a little worried about his well-fare but he had nearly ran into a little old lady!_

"_But what about the little old lady! Was she all right?"_

_Jacob then understood my expression and chuckled to himself._

"_I suppose so-"_

_I cut him off before he could continue._

"_What do you mean you 'suppose so'! Didn't you go to check on her and ask her is she was okay?"_

"_Bella-"_

"_Didn't you care enough to offer taking her to a hospital just to make sure she was fine?"_

"_Bella-"_

"_Jacob!"_

"_Will you shut up and listen for one second!"_

_Jacob said between shakes of laughter._

"_This isn't funny Jake! What if you hurt her?"_

_He continued to laugh but then quickly sobered enough to speak._

"_I said 'I suppose so' because she really didn't stick around for me to question her."_

_I stopped mid-rant._

"_What do you mean?"_

"_Well if you'd let me get around to actually-"_

"_Fine! Now tell me! I'm shutting up now!"_

_Jacob chuckled._

"_I went to get out of my car and ran over to her to ask her how she was doing. She was extremely angry with me but she had managed to get to the other side of the road unscathed. When I questioned her as to whether or not she was okay, I received multiple blows to the arms and head by her handbag. She was hitting me with her damn bag!"_

_Jacob fell to floor laughing and at the image of a little old gray haired lady hitting 6'3'' Jacob with a handbag; I burst out laughing as well._

I was pulled out of my reverie by Jacobs's laughter.

I snapped my head in his direction and saw him holding up the book I was reading right before he had come over here.

He looked over at me with the biggest grin spread across his face.

"Please don't tell me you read _these_ sorts of books."

He flipped through my copy of Captain Underpants and then dropped it back down on my nightstand.

"You did not just insult the wonderful Captain Underpants! Without him, you wouldn't even have any clean unddies to wear!"

We burst out laughing and didn't stop until Jacob sobered and cleared his throat. My giggles died down and I looked at him. He looked as if he knew he was about to hear some tragic news and I understood that he now wanted to know exactly what had happened here, in this room, my room, so many months ago.

"So you want to know then? What really happened?"

He nodded. Eyes serious.

This was going to take a lot of explaining and I knew I had to start from the beginning, to the time I nearly jumped off the cliff, that time that seemed like forever ago.

I took a much-needed deep breath and began the story.

AN: Okay, don't know if any of you are noticing it, but I am in fact trying to make the chapters longer. Sometimes I do alright while other times I slip. Eventually the chapters will be much longer, hopefully. Till next time, hope you enjoyed reading and as always, if you have a minute or two to spare, it would be nice if you would drop me a review.


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